Any Gilmore Girls fans out there? Remember Paris Gellar? For Rory Gilmore she was either nemesis or best friend, for the rest of us, a cautionary tale. Paris Gellar was crazy smart but decidedly lacking in what Forbes magazine calls "the other smart" - emotional intelligence. Take a look here.
Emotional intelligence - or lack of it - is one of those things that is very hard to recognize in oneself, but oh so easy to spot in someone else. It's that intangible "something" that affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions.
Why is this important? Since its introduction into the public conversation in 1995, decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. Paris Gellar was no slouch in the smarts department, but her lack of emotional intelligence signaled a quick end to her reign of terror as the fictional editor of the Yale Daily News with coup d'etat by her team. Rory Gilmore - equally smart with a greater degree of emotional intelligence - ended up navigating the ruins of the Gellar regime to success.
So are you a Paris or a Rory?
You might be a Paris if...
- You feel like others don't get the point and make you feel impatient and frustrated.
- You're suprised when others are sensitive to your comments or jokes and you think they're overreacting
- You think being liked at work is overrated.
- You weigh in early with your assertions and defend them with rigor.
- You hold others to the same high expectations you hold for yourself.
- You find others are to blame for most of the issues on your team.
- You find it annoying when others expect you to know how they feel.
You can be a Rory if...
- You have a high degree of self-awareness and self-honesty. You recognize your own strengths and weaknesses realistically, and not idealistically.
- You know how emotions are caused and the difference between emotions and actions; being able to differentiate between how you feel about something, what you think about something, and not confusing those things with actions.
- You can self-regulatie and modulate your emotions. Emotions and behaviors are appropriate to the situation.
- You are able to recognize emotions in others and to know what they're feeling and why.
- You are motivated and have good decision-making skills. You are able to use emotions to guide yourself to the best decision, rather than being used and overtaken by your emotions, or ignoring them and trying to make decisions on an intellectual basis alone.
- You have an increased ability to analyze and understand relationships. You connect with others and maintain strong relationships built on mutual trust and respect.
- You are able to trust your gut feelings to direct your actions and to make decisions.
- You are a creative and flexible thinker.
- You have integrated the emotional, social, physical, mental, spiritual aspects of your life seamlessly.
- You lead a balanced life, including work, relationships and regular periods of rest, renewal and relaxation.